I’ve had the idea for this blog post for a few weeks now, but haven’t quite understood it to the extent where I would want to post about it. After stumbling upon a new concept last night in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective people I now feel that it will make a really cool post…
Background- Growing up I was extremely NEEDY in just about every aspect with women. You guys will read all about this in The Dream Way haha
Once I got into the community that steadily declined, although it would still be some time before I was truly comfortable and quite happy being single.
And this is on a core level, like you finally stop wishing in the very back of your head that this ‘next girl’ would be the girl friend
Background part 2- Last October when I was writing My Transformation, the journal that detailed set ~2000 to set ~3000, I ran into an amazing girl and her friend at a local bar. You can read more about the lay here.Point for us now though is that we were REALLY into each other on every level. Totally on to date, BUT I had my goal to go out every night until I hit 3,000 sets so I sabotaged the quite possible long term relationship with her.
I got lost sight of the forest for the trees basically. And this was trippy to because I was telling myself constantly that I didn't want to date here and that was SO far from the truth.
Eventually I faced reality and had to accept what happened, she slipped away along with a great learning experience, whatever life goes on.
I made a point to LEARN from that experience though, meaning not to pass up on another long term relationship with a girl that cool.
Background part 3- it wouldn't be until I got back to Orlando from my cruise on spring break that I would lay another girl cool and attractive enough to be my girl friend. You can read more about the lay here.
Everything is great about this chick, I love hangin out with her, she's gorgeous, sex is the best since the chick in October, etc...
*Should probably mention I've never had sex without a condom so that's also a thought running through my mind haha
The only thing that kinda sucks about this chick is she goes to school in a town about 90 minutes from me. Not a huge deal, but kinda gay. Whatever. (there's actually another factor on my end that's a pretty big road block for the immediate future, will touch on that in a minute).
So now I'm like ok, I learned from the previous experience even though it was a while back. I'm not going to fuck up again. BUT, believe it or not, I really had no idea how to go about this LOL.
All the studying in the world, all the going out, all the women....almost nothing to draw experience from other than the last girl friend which was about 2 years prior.
Well I talk to a close friend who has quite a bit of relationship experience and he does make a good point about GETTING CLEAR. If I don't know what I want, it's probably not going to happen.
So I'm like ok...I want this girl to be my girl friend. Simple.
I realize two things at this point
1. On one level, it's weak to be relationship needy. So it's going to be a bad technical move to bring this up.
2. I'm UNCOMFORTABLE doing this. Some of it probably stemmed from my mind being like uh your an idiot....this is not high value behavior, but not all of it, not by a long shot. I realized I FEARED this.
So she comes down to visit a few weeks after we hooked up in that LR. I fuck her, she loves it, I bust in her mouth, awesome time.
Now I'm like ok time to do this and just SEE what happens.
Once again this was a needy move, BUT on the inside (and I didn't realize this at the time) I was fully prepared to bomb the the fuck buddy relationship that was starting, which is very NON needy.
So not 2 minutes after she swallows and we're just hanging out, talking on and off, I tell her I want her to be my girl friend, really casually haha.
It's worth mentioning though, right before I said that I felt REALLY uneasy, like I havent felt in FOREVER. What's interesting though is it was exactly that same feeling that DROVE ME to say it. Pain ATTRACTED ME.
She was caught pretty off gaurd, it was as if she had no idea how to respond. Instantly I was like ok this just blew up in my face, but internally I was totally cool about it, to a level that I surprised myself.
She started saying something about how she's not ready right now but I'm number one on her list, LOL.
Meanwhile she has this look on her face like god another chode... I open my mouth and that SELF comes through as she's still like uh yeah ummm so....
"Yeah ok, cool....well no rush" kinda laughed on the rush part
This is when she like FROZE as she realized that it was me being CLEAR and not being needy deep down. I guess surface level I fucked it up haha.
She seemed perplexed for a minute while she figured this out, while I'm just sitting there staring at the ceiling.
Bottom line- This was something I was afraid of doing, and did. Felt like I took 1000 pounds off my chest when I did it to.
For a moment I fucked this up, but the self always comes through, and when she sensed how relaxed I was, and probably realized how reactive she was getting, my value went from the shitter to the sky once again.
Her car ended up getting towed that night so she stayed over. We fucked again in the morning, and it was funny, now with those thoughts off my chest I was REALLY non-needy, and in turn she started CHASING me as I mentioned with the shower thing in a post not long ago (I hopped in the shower and she RAN after me, I got out and she was SUPER quick to come downstairs).
I think another thing that make her chase so much directly following that little event was INTRIGUE.
How many guys can say something that needy, and then ACTUALLY be non-needy. Probably a big head trip for her lol.
"man wtf is up with this guy?"
Ok so where was I going with this....
Oh yeah so the one thing on my end that sucks for dating this girl now (which was actually communicated through what I said "I want you to be my girl friend", which has no set date or time on it) is my schedule for this summer which would not work with a gf.
May, going out in Orlando every night finishing The Dream Way and Under 21 related projects. She now lives back home which is 3+ hours from Orlando.
June, I'm leaving the country for the entire month, no phone, limited internet.
July, the 2008 Under 21 Convention....
August, move into a new house and then go to Europe for a few weeks.
So in reality, if and when this happens, it was never meant to be before September or something.
Moving on....
Where I was really heading with this is related to a concept from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective people.
You move from
Dependence
to
Independence
to
Interdependence
With me, I was dependent my whole life. Through going out and community concepts I became fiercly independent, to the point where I passed up an awesome girl.
On some level I realized this and started to become more interdependent. I think this comes off in how I communicate with all women when I'm out (really normal, cool), as well as now considering a gf in the coming months.
So for the time being, I've decided that a gf is a really cool idea at this point in my life (at this rate I will have approached over 4,000 sets by the time Im 20 years old in August), but logistics just won't allow it with ANY girl until the fall.
With the girl I mentioned here, we just met up for the first time since all that happened. Everythings cool, we hung out and saw Harold and Kumar (really bad ass movie), and then I fucked her in my jeep.
Not as fun as it sounds lol.
Then we fucked all of yesterday morning at her house which was pretty awesome since it was the first time in months I had sex on a BED lol.
Lesson learned- so I learned a lot with this chick so far, and were still fucking =). I guess the most important thing though was transitioning my LOGICAL understanding that women should be relationship needy, and that men should be clear and directed, to an EMOTIONAL deeper understanding.
We'll see how this lesson plays out with this girl and the next girl I meet that's that fucking cool.
-Dream
edit- something else I should have thrown in there...I basically learned my lesson about letting a high quality girl slip away back in October, but maybe a little to much. While I had the 'right idea' with this current chick, I went to far in the opposite direction and jumped the gun.
Lesson learned, patience is genius.
Dream on =)
